Indian rajas were renowned for having thousands of lovers and their pick of the most beautiful women. These rajas and many of their partners were extensively trained in advanced Tantric sex techniques. Yet despite this, according to some of the ancient literature of the time, Indian princes and monarchs often complained that the sex was lackluster and unsatisfying. Why? Because so much emphasis was put on perfecting techniques that the emotional connection between the two lovers was lost. You can imagine lovemaking degenerating into sex by numbers—technique #57 here, technique #42 there. Did she have an orgasm or just wobble a bit? Oh well, better do technique #9 just to be sure to get her over the cliff…

According to a British study on Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles that appeared in the journal, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, the larger the number of sex partners reported, the more likely a man would have paid for sex. The Telegraph Online published a skeptical report on the survey in December 2013. Accurate or not, the study showed that men who had paid for sex reported an average of 31.6 sexual partners in their lifetime, more than twice the amount for the general male population. The research was carried out between 2010 and 2012. Sex with a prostitute may well be attractive for a man as there are no strings attached, and the woman is expected to be a good-looking, trained professional. But whatever the benefits, the potential for emotional connection in a paid-for-sex situation is pretty low. The 1990 movie, Pretty Woman, with Julia Roberts as a delightfully appealing Hollywood hooker with whom wealthy john Richard Gere falls in love, embodied a wonderful romantic fantasy that has absolutely no relation to real life. The moral of the story seems to be that when you’re just a common or garden streetwalker you won’t get served in an expensive dress shop, but once you have a rich man in tow, the shop assistants will fawn over you as if you’re the Queen of Sheba. After all, shopping is a great way to serve your country. Ironically, the original plot of the movie was a dark look at class and prostitution in Los Angeles. Reworking the script into a predictable romantic comedy allowed the film to become a huge moneymaker. Sex sells, but it goes over better with females if the woman doesn’t seem to be suffering too much.

Perhaps there is a sweet spot as regards the number of sexual partners that is the optimum for satisfaction. Enough to gain experience and have a bit of variety, not too many to cause overload and a “been there, done that” feeling. That number is likely to be lower for women than men. Maybe as far as women are concerned, the mother lode would not necessarily be a guy with scads of Tantric sexual techniques under his belt, honed by bonking bucketloads of babes. Instead it might be a guy who really cares about turning his partner on, carefully gauging her reactions to what he’s doing and adjusting his actions accordingly, putting thought into how to make each lovemaking session slightly different to prevent the sex becoming too ho hum. Then she could do the same for him. That way neither the man nor the woman would need multiple partners just to avoid boredom.

However, if sex just isn’t working for you and you need something else to occupy your time, you can amuse yourself by reading the Uncyclopedia content-free illustrated entry on Tantra (Sanskrit: तन्त्र, the Yoga of Lovingly Shagging with Intent).  You’ll find out about a half human, half tiger Tantric master who can give you four sacred orgasms before you even wake up in the morning. Now there’s a great way to start your day.